¡Estoy en Madrid!

Yes, I made it. I figured out the airport,1 the metro,2 and the door to my host mother’s apartment, and settled down in Madrid with all of my luggage and most of my wits about me. I’ve been here just over 24 hours3 (I think–who knows what happened when I crossed all those time zones)…

Why I Spent My Birthday at the Hospital

It had a lot to do with the fact that my doctor only performs surgeries on Mondays, and my birthday happened to fall on a Monday this year.1 It also had a lot to do with the chronic pain I’d been experiencing for the past year. Ever since the Fall Break of my sophomore year,…

Does My Lipstick Match My Identity?

Earlier this week I had to get a surgical procedure done (more on that later, I promise), and the nurse prepping me for it asked that I take my piercings out. I declined at first, insisting that I didn’t know how to take them out–which wasn’t exactly true. The truth is, I could take them…

Switching Focus

I find life overwhelming. Sometimes I simply cannot believe that the world exists, that it holds war and pollution in pain, people that die too young and people who don’t bring themselves to care, alongside activism and nature and love, people that write poems and people who help each other for no reason other than…

Can’t Fight This Feeling

I’ve felt off lately. Only this year, it’s not a scratchy throat and sniffly nose. It’s internal, a vast, cloudy feeling that’s been colonizing larger and larger tracts of my consciousness. Sometimes, it sends me on long walks through the glen or across empty fields, and other times, it leaves me lying in bed and…

Fragments

Poet, translator, essayist, and embodiment of my life goals Anne Carson is on campus this week, and yesterday I went to her Q&A. While talking about writing and inspiration, she described how she often has ideas of things she wants to write and then plays with form until she find their “home.” Some ideas are…

You Can Hold It Against Me: On Keeping Grudges

It’s a societal default to believe that grudges are bad. I’m not supposed to hold onto negativity. I’m supposed to remember that people change. That’s all well and good for small transgressions. The classmate that seemed rude may have just been shy. The friend that snapped at me may have just been tired. The boy…

I Should Drop My Routines Like a Bad Habit

Some people need help making routines; I need help breaking them. I have this nasty habit of seeing any aberration from my established schedule as a personal failure. For instance, last night I had to stay up late to finish an essay, and when I finally crawled into bed I set my alarm for later…

When a Small School Feels Smaller (and smaller, and smaller…)

Last year I wrote about how much I loved going to a small (~2000 student) college. And while I still love the intimate environment that is the Small Liberal Arts College Experience, like with any mature relationship, my love has grown more nuanced over time. Like the way a person starts to notice her partner’s…

The Heart of a Space

This week, the Res Life office at my college determined it was time for me to transition from summer housing to fall housing. They gave me the weekend to condense entirety of my single room into a collection of boxes labelled in a semi-logical way and move the whole thing… about three suites down the…

(I’m actually not doing fine)

If you just met me, you would think I have it all together. I attend a great college where I earn consistent grades, receive institutional support for research, participate in extracurriculars that line up with my interests, and work a couple jobs that feel rewarding rather than soul-sucking. I have no real need for the…